too, too funny

June 30th, 2015

Just got off a call with a panty boy. At one point during the call, I asked him if he had any toys he could practice sucking dick on. This is what he said:

“No, but sometimes I eat bananas seductively.”

HA HA HA HA

OMG that shit was hilarious.  Thanks for making me laugh, new panty boy dude. I appreciate it..

dumb auntie nikki

June 21st, 2010

So…my cousin/roommate has a 4 yr. old little boy, right? He calls me “auntie” and I’ve lived in the same house as he has since he was born, we’re super tight. He’s my little man.

So today I was hanging out in my room, working. He comes in to say hi and I get the bright idea to take a little break and spin him in my office chair. Ten minutes later, I’m kneeling in front of the toilet, puking my brains out and he’s  having the time of his life trying to walk in a straight line.

dumb, dumb, dumb…but funny! Which is why I chose to share it.

Hope you’re having a good day! I’m feeling better now, so the coast is clear if you want to call and have some fun! lol.

Welcome back to an old regular and look….a new recording!

May 4th, 2010

I just realized today that I’ve done over 15,000 calls on Niteflirt. Can you believe that? It’s a mind boggling number, isn’t it?

I’ve talked to thousands of men about their fantasies. And of course there are those that I’ll never forget even when they stop calling. There are a lot of different reasons…some guys are really funny, some are super sweet, a few are very talented at doing calls and really turn me on….and then there are those that I remember for something very specific.

I have a caller who hadn’t called me for quite awhile, but nothing bad had happened between us. He just stopped calling. But I always remembered him because even though he was a super sweet guy, during our role plays, he would get really mean. I NEVER minded, I thought it was cute that he would apologize about it and seem ashamed.

Then one call he got a little bit out of control and threatened to murder me by throwing me out a window or something in the middle of a role play and I LOST it…I started laughing. It was hilarious. He kept calling me after that for awhile, but then eventually stopped.

I just released a new MP3 and the topic is teacher/student role play. That’s the same role play I always did with this caller…I had thought about sending him an email and inviting him to purchase it, but I’m always very insecure about my recordings so I didn’t.

Then I saw this morning that he’d bought it!! I got all freaked out and started to email him and while I was typing it up, he called me.

I was a bit nervous, but it turns out that he loved the recording, had forgotten how much he loved talking to me and thought that maybe he’d stopped calling because he’d been embarrassed about the “window” incident. Of course I told him that there was NO reason to be embarrassed about it! It’s calls like that that make my job worth doing!

We had a great call and I’m really glad to have him back…so welcome back!

And if you want to hear the recording that inspired his return, just click HERE! It’s 10 minutes long and in MP3 format. Listen to it as many times as you want for only $30!.

Porn is so hilarious!

April 26th, 2010

Special shout out to hqsabre, who called me yesterday and had me watch some porn with him again. It was awhile back, but we’d watched this one before where the music was so hilariously hick country that I recorded it on my computer and posted it here on this blog to make fun of it. To date, that was the funniest thing I’d ever seen in a porno. Until yesterday.

We started watching this one movie that was a combo teacher/student role play and cuckold fantasy. The girl needed to pass the class, her boyfriend was waiting outside and the professor had a huge black dick. Of course, he told her he’d pass her if she fucked him.

Right as she was about to climb onto that huge dick for a ride, her boyfriend came in to see what was taking so long. The second he appears, she launches into a more cuckold type fantasy and starts humiliating him.

But here’s the funny part…we skipped ahead so I’m not positive exactly how this line of conversation came about, but the black dude says to the boyfriend, “You like hip hop music? Why don’t you rap while I’m fucking your girl?”

And then the chick starts encouraging him to “bust some rhymes” and the dude’s like “hippity hop” over and over again. The girl says “what the hell? hippity hop is all you can come up with?” and SHE starts free styling!

I was laughing so hard, I swear I almost passed out. It’s like they put out these ridiculous pornos just cause they can!

SO FUNNY!

Friday night, me and a bunch of our friends played poker here at the house. We play frequently and for money, but what usually ends up happening is that the girls get tired of playing and make stupid bets after 4 or 5 hours cause we just don’t care anymore.

So we came up with a way to MAKE the girls care about the game. We said that whoever lost had to put a picture of themselves making a “LOSER” sign on their forehead up on their Facebook profile for an entire day.

You’d better bet that the final 3 was ALL GIRLS, baby! I played to the death, but still came in second. The next day, we all put our pictures up and it was so funny.

So next time, we’re gonna play either for money or for something humiliating…that way everyone will have their ultimate motivation for winning. Good plan, right? 🙂

Hope you all are having a good week. I’m gonna be around a lot this week, hope you give me a call and have some fun!.

Happy 420 everyone!

April 20th, 2010

Check out this clip posted by Tosh.0 about a dude who bids 420 on stuff when he’s a contestant on “The Price is Right” SO HILARIOUS! CLICK HERE!

I love Tosh.0, it’s definitely one of my favorite shows. If you don’t watch it, you’re totally missing out. Find it on On Demand or online somehow!

Hope you’re all having a good spring so far. I am! We’ve been enjoying the warmer weather, just jumping right back in to grilling and hanging out outside like it’s summer again already. Grilled pineapple is the bomb diggity, yo.

Anyone have advice on how to humanely get a dog to STOP BARKING? This neighbor dog is driving me bat shit..

Hey peeps!

March 7th, 2010

I watched Zombieland yesterday. SO FUNNY! I hadn’t really heard anything about this movie from friends or family, so I didn’t really know what to think. It sat in our living room for a week or two before we finally got around to watching it. I’m glad I did! Woody Harrelson is a riot, man.

The whole movie was gory, bloody, awesome and I laughed out loud more times than I remember. Check it out!

Oh yeah, it was also the first movie we’d watched since we got our PS3 and it was a Blu-ray. Wow. Really. I’d never noticed the huge quality difference, but now I have.
zombieland

I normally eat way healthy, but I bought a box of Twinkies today in honor of this movie. YUM..

HA HA!

January 10th, 2010

I have exactly $69 in my Niteflirt account after that last call I did. I saw it and it made me giggle..

Cock biting and puppy puke!

July 15th, 2009

HA HA! Ok, that might be the weirdest blog title I’ve ever had, but those are two of the topics that came up on calls yesterday.

I don’t even know how the first one came up. We were talking and all of the sudden, we got onto the subject of rape somehow (not as a fantasy, we weren’t against TOS here) and I said that I thought if I ever had someone trying to force themselves on me, I would bite their cock off. I figure, even if I were scared they’d hurt me, they might be a bit too distracted by the fact that their dick just got bitten off to really run after me or shoot me.

Not that I know how often rapists ask for blow jobs beforehand…I guess some of them are probably too smart for that, right? ANYWAY…good lord, the weird shit I talk about.

Then I had a call later and seconds after the call started, I noticed that my new puppy had tossed his dog biscuits onto my bed (aka puked). We got on a roll and were laughing about it for a few minutes before we finally got down to business. It was kinda funny to go from laughing about dog vomit to a fantasy where the guy wanted to jerk off, suck and then get fucked by three guys (yes, in succession) before getting fucked by my huge strap-on, but hey…it was fun!

So yeah, yesterday was a great day for calls. Today has been a ghost town! Where are y’all? Come play with me! 🙂.

*yawn* damn weed eatin’ bitches

June 7th, 2009

I was up super late last night, but got woken up at 10 something by our neighbor weed eating his yard. UGH! Now I’m slurping down coffee, hoping it wakes me up a little bit.

YUCK, my cat just came in and rubbed its cold, wet nose all over my ankle. EW

Work seems to be back to normal, thank God. Today is the last day of one of the best weeks I’ve had in the past year, best overall if you count the fact that most of the money was actually money, not gift cards. Most of my record breaking weeks happen because of large gift cards.

Because money’s been so good, I’ve been sticking close to home and taking advantage of it. I’ve had some great calls lately, thanks to everyone who has been keeping me happy!

I got one last night that was for the books though. Dude calls on my role playing line, has a crazy accent that makes it really hard to understand him and pretty much just asks me to repeat back to him stuff that was getting weirder and weirder. Well, I’m not a programmable robot, so finally I told him no. He flips out and leaves me bad feedback (of course), but I really don’t care. I’d rather get bad feedback every once in awhile than force myself to endure bizarre calls like that one.

I think the last thing he was trying to make me repeat was that I couldn’t wait for him to squirt his dirty jizm between my titties. Sorry, no. What’s funny is that he put in the feedback that I wouldn’t say “titties”, so I wasn’t “anything goes”. Well, I’m NOT anything goes and he didn’t call on an “anything goes” listing anyway. I don’t have a problem saying titties in general, though I think it’s kind of silly. I just don’t like people telling me exactly what to say, I think it’s rude. Give suggestions, but don’t feed me lines.

I honestly believe that my performance on the phone is a step above average…maybe even two or three steps. Some chick who just started and is desperate for money might put up with a guy like that for a couple of bucks, but I don’t need to. Maybe that means that I deserve one star feedback every once in awhile…I’m not the “Burger King” of phone sex. You can’t have it your way, no substitutions! haha just kidding.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately and having bad luck! The Reader, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Up, the new Night at the Museum, the new Underworld, He’s Just Not That into You, New in Town….blah, hated all of them. We watch a lot of movies this time of year since tv is all reruns.

I’m kind of limited on activities between calls. I do house work, garden, read a lot, surf the internet, work out, cook, etc. but get interrupted a lot when I’m here and working. Watching a movie or a tv show is the easiest (next to reading) thing to “pause” when I get a call I guess. I had one asshole bitch at me cause I mentioned in an email that I signed out to watch “So You Think You Can Dance” and he asked me if all I ever do is watch tv. Nope! I do lots of stuff.

Wow, got so busy on the phone that a few hours have gone by. Coffee’s long gone, had pasta for lunch and now I’m thinking about going to get my nails done. I need to clean the kitchen too. BOO. Wish I had a slave who could come clean it FOR me! *wink*

Talk to you soon!.

blasts from the past…

April 15th, 2009

In the past 48 hrs., I’ve had two callers who hadn’t called me in a long time contact me. One of them hadn’t called in over 2 yrs. He said last time we talked, we’d gotten into some kind of fight. I didn’t remember it, but I had put in my notes on Niteflirt that he’d blocked me so I had blocked him as well.

He says he doesn’t remember what the fight was about, but he knows it was his fault and he apologized.

The second guy hadn’t called in over a year and said he just hadn’t been calling anyone. So how weird is that? Both of them showing up within the same couple of days.

On the same weird note, I sent out an email today with a free minute and a picture and FIVE of my TOP callers of all time had blocked me. I thought about calling Niteflirt to see if there was some kind of glitch…not because I necessarily thought that none of them could have blocked me, I hadn’t talked to any of these particular guys in quite awhile. I thought that it might be a glitch because it would be entirely too odd for all 5 of them to have blocked me between my last email and now.

Usually when I send out a mass email, I don’t even get a notice that ONE guy has blocked me…much less 5 of my all time best callers. Seems too bizarre.

Oh well, like I said, none of them had called me in awhile. So it’s not like I was losing any calls or anything. I’d gotten into a weird conversation with one of them, he liked to act like he was my counselor or something and I was a bit tired of him trying to tell me what to do all the time when we were just chatting. Another one I fucked and um, let’s just say that it didn’t go all that well. Yep, I said it. Call me if you want to hear the story haha I’ll be honest.

In other news, my damn roommate and our best friend have gotten me addicted to playing poker online! OH THE HORROR! We don’t play for real money, but still…it’s ridiculous. I swear, if it’s not one time waster, it’s another. I hop from hobby to hobby like a horny rabid bunny who can’t decide which girl bunny it wants to stick its dick into.

Ok so stop reading now if you want to preserve your image of me as a totally girly girl cause I’m about to say something gross…

Do egg yolks make your poots smell bad?

Here’s why I ask…so my roomies have a little 3 yr. old boy, right? He’s adorable, I’m his “auntie” and I love him and stuff. He’s a cool dude. He hunted easter eggs this year so we’ve had a lot of boiled eggs around.

Now, I’m a vegetarian and I eat eggs frequently, but normally I will take organic, cage free eggs and make an omelette out of them. I’ll put 3 egg whites to 1 whole egg and put sauteed veggies in it. My favorite is zucchini, bell pepper and garlic. I’ll put a little sprinkle of cheese too. Tastes great, good source of protein and with a piece of whole wheat toast and a piece of fruit, it’s a totally balanced breakfast.

Now since we have all these boiled eggs though, I’ve just been eating two of them in the morning with a piece of toast and a banana or some pineapple or something. And I’ve noticed that my poots are stinky, whereas normally when I break wind, you can’t smell anything.

Is it the egg yolks that’s doing it?! lol

I know, gross, but I just went to get a load of laundry out and I tooted and was like “damn”. So I figured I would share. Don’t you love me for it? HA HA HA!

Call me!

Btw, for the first time in awhile, I actually feel like doing a “shout out” to a GREAT new caller I have…he’s amazing and I can’t wait to talk to him again, but a shout out would be useless because he doesn’t have a computer. Can you believe it? Me neither.


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