Yesterday was…
a day I thought would never end. Overall, I’m a pretty upbeat person. I don’t struggle with depression (which commercials would lead us to believe that most adults do), have self esteem problems or see the cup as “half empty” most of the time.
But yesterday…damn. I don’t know if it was hormones or what, but I just was not having fun. Little things were pissing me off, you know?
Then I got that puking call, which really grossed me out. On top of that, it was slow again and you all know I can’t handle that more than one day in a row. 
Then a guy calls who I really enjoy talking to. We’ve had a lot of fun and I like his fantasies. In the middle of the call though, it took a weird turn. He started talking about having a certain problem and I won’t go in to details, but I didn’t really see the big issue.
All of the sudden he says, “You know I love you, but I don’t think I’m ever going to call you again.”
I was stunned. He said he didn’t think I’d see him the same way anymore and that he wasn’t comfortable about the things we’d discussed and he couldn’t see himself getting off with me anymore.
It really crushed me. After he hung up, I just stared at the phone in disbelief.
It was really the last straw. I felt truly horrible.
Then Johnathan started talking to me, trying to cheer me up and just be there for me. He sent me money too, but that’s not what helped. I know that in the grand scheme of things, none of this really “counts”. I don’t know you and you don’t know me…
As was proven to me recently, we could be like best friends online and on the phone…but any of you can and most likely will just easily block me out of your life when the time comes, for whatever reason.
But last night, at least for a little while, I didn’t feel completely alone while I was in my funk. So thanks, Johnathan….for staying up when you were tired, for listening to me rant about all the stuff that was going on and “holding” my hand while I watched that crazy movie! lol
After that, calls picked up a bit and that cheered me up at least. A HUGE THANKS to Ubu too, who called just to check on me. Yeah, we ended up fuckin’, but we just can’t resist each other!!!!! lol
I ended up having a good day as far as calls go and then I slept for almost 9 hrs. straight! I woke up feeling good and my cousin took the day off, so I’m here and have some time to myself.
I think I’ll sit outside and read some, then maybe go for a swim and go get some food for a yummy dinner. I’m really having a craving for zucchini, so maybe a stir fry is in order!
Thanks for listening again, I promise that my next few journal entries will be more FUN!
btw, thanks to the guys who all told me that the new Superman movie is good. I’m definitely gonna go see it!
I hope none of you hate me, but I’ve slacked on shout outs for the last few days and I just really don’t feel like doing them. I’ve had some AWESOME calls though! 7×5 called me last night, great calls from my Chicago panty wearer, welcome back to the guy who’s been playing “tonsil hockey” with me! lol *kiss* to my awesome, sexy, mending leg guy who did another call with me and Taylor
well hang in there Nikki, I have a real life friend who does nightflirt and she tells me she has the same problems. It’s especially tough for decent/sweet people who aren’t all cold and bitchy like some of the 50year old dommes that pretend to be 18. They are old and bitter for a dozen reasons. Best thing in the world you can do is watch some funny movie and chill for a bit, then get back on that horse and try again. And remember tomorrow’s another day.
I’m sorry that I upset you Nikki, I didn’t mean to do that. You know that I love you and wish for you only happiness and sunshine.
If that’s the case, then why did you do that? I still don’t understand.
I just got scared!! I’m sorry…